why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
