even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woke up backwards on a recliner
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
