my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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