she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize