she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
