all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
