So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
