you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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