the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
