The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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