after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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