Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
