I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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