Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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