Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
