forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
