did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
