you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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