There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
