my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
