Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm bleeding and have questions
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
