I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
