Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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