five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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