Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
