I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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