More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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