Yo dont text me then not text me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
