It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What a dumb baby whore.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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