Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
