Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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