I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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