Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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