You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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