im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
