I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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