Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
