It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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