The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
