I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
