I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
