the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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