Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
