I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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