hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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