we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
