Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
