Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
