did you get engaged???
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
