i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
