And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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