Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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