I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
