Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
