I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
