at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
