She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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