I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
