When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
