I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
