I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
