shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
