she woke up with a sticky ear
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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