so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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