he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
