dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
