i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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