hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
