What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
