Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
