And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
