Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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