I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize