Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
