so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
