if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize