Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
