He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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