Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
