Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
