T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
last night I used snow as a chaser
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