that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
