I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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